for a few years now, i've had a habit of buying journals.  lots of them - big, small, and in all different materials.

the purpose of buying them is the promise to myself that i will write in them, fill them will my thoughts and deepest emotions.  i bring it home, turn open the first pages, and write the date - always.  i doddle, sometimes.  i start to write whatever comes to mind.  the first entry is always the longest, most meaningful and sets the tone for the rest of the journal.  the second entry, the third entry, then... it starts to become sparse.  i have some journals that sit in my drawer now with just 2 or 3 pages, with the rest of the pages empty.

i used to keep journals and i would fill them up and read them.  and every time i read them, i cried.  my journey hasn't been a pretty one so far, and i don't really want to read sad stories anymore.  sure i could put down happy stories, but then i would have to make half of them up.

so what does normal mean anyway? 

"To see an owl in your dream, symbolizes wisdom, insight and virtue. The owl is also synonymous with death and darkness.

To hear the hoot of an owl, denotes disappointments and forewarns that death creeps closely in the wake of joy and health.

To see a dead owl, signifies a narrow escape from desperate illness and death. Death in this sense may also represent a symbolic death, as in an important transition in life."

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looking through archives...
Thursday November 24, 2005... how unbelievably fast life can change.

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i just realized how dark this place has become... or is it maturity?  i can't tell...